Had dinner with Mingli last evening.
As usual, I miss that gal~
My shopping queen~~(I worship you. Lol!)

There's always this contradicting feel when weekend is approaching.

Y'noe how sad I am whenever a new week is to begin.
Yet I am 'fraid to face weekend to.
To know and go through the same kinda heartache each weekend night would bring.

=/

Those construction workers recognised me~

"wha..today wear spects"

Was the passing comment when I walked past them.

@_@"

I didnt think I would be recognised till they proved me that my face is one of the daily faces that they know.

I have 2 3 options.

1)Greet them morning daily.
2)Ignore them.
3)Drill another direction to walk.


Hmm..
Duh.

t

Decipher.

I need a dream interpreter.

Lately my dreams seem to be telling me something.
Like I'm disturbed by something.

Cant exactly remember now.
Last 2-3 mins of my dream...

I ' jumped' down the flights of stairs and finally reached ground level.
A crowd of pple were at the void deck.
Saw 3 of my sec schools juniors.
Went over to chat.
Saw a big dog coming over way.
Exclaimed it looks like a fox when really it is.
Everyone fled and the big brown fox came attacking everyone.
I was running away while my friends cried for help.
Realising that I cant save everyone and anyone, I had wanted to run off though I wanted to save them.
But the big fox was already like..
Chaotic scene.
Suddenly one of my friends cried out.
She fell from her bike.
I picked her up and carried her and ran.
(Though she is a light weight in reality but it's not possible for me to carry her like that. My hands even ache when I carried Charmaine for too long.)
I ran a few blocks away. (It was like those HDBs flats)
Had wanted to enter a lift,hoping we are safe from the fox.
But we were held up by the people who keep entering the lift. (apparently were ignorant about the attacking fox at the blocks behind.)


The dream stopped there like 'CUT'.
Abrupt end.
I woke up.

Sigh.

Can I just stop dreaming about me running around in flats or houses.
Most of the time wanting to runaway from danger.
Then I often seek refuge in a stranger's home.

Have you ever dreamt of such dreams?

What a coward am I.

BUT!

Sometimes I dreamt I was fighting the 'evil' stuff.
I was scared naturally but I fight them off.
BUT~the ironic thing is I dont see those stuff.
I am just like kicking and punching air all the time.

?

Um...

Hope the dreams wont be nasty tonight.

Bonnuit.

Every Monday...

I have tremendous difficulty to kick start the day and end it right.

I almost feel lethargic throughout the whole day that I have to cancel my tuition.(and make up for it)

I dunno why.

Lazy bug always do its thing on me.

Detestable.

Weekends!!!!!

My fear for each beginning week grows with every ending one.

I dunno why.

Like I dont want tomorrow to come, like I dont wanna look ahead.

I'm very much tempted to succumb to my inner (weak) soul.

When I realised how much of a lil' gal I am with you, I am much elated as much as I feel sad.

If only..

I could be like this always.

It's not easy to be brave at all times.

And in the first place, I dont wanna be brave if that means I gotta be alone.

Time out!

I love most of the pple in my life,I guess.
I wish I could distribute MY~time equally to all of them.

But I want a time for myself.

I wonder if it is that painful to be stranded alone?

If it is,it's probably the sudden loneliness and insecurity.

But I guess it will do me good.

Looking at the calender...


Not possible.

Would anyone just issue me a time out?

A Never-Never-thought.

Since we cant be together tomorrow...
(Alas, a shame!)

I shall make a trip down to Orchard on my own after work tml.

Aint gonna roam around there.
But needs to visit the Popular Bookstore.

2 Childrens' Day presents.
3 small sets of stationery delights.
1 pack of candy perhaps.
And maybe~a nostalgic good album. How about that 'Always'?

Dont think I would be lucky enough to bump onto anyone.

Oh..Friday.
={

I desired something inside.
Not quite it can be given or granted.
Not monetary or tangible.

Something...
Insatiable.

Maybe peace...To stay out of human touch for a lil while.

So many people I've met, good or bad..Had my fill.

Nature.
Peace.
Change of environment.
Serenity.



Unfortunately...

There aint Mr (Peter) Pan here.

Bring me to that Never Never Land.

Where we dont grow old and are happy always.

Most importantly...






We can FLY~~~~~~

Whee!

Sigh..Class 95 is playing Shania Twain "Still the one" now.


Still one of my fav song.

When I say...

I miss some people, I really do.
(I guess mentioning names doesnt help here. If the feelings aint mutual, let it be.)

I miss talking in good English, I really do.
(Being a consultant is nothing like talking in accent. After all, not everyone is from CNA or ESPN.)

I miss singing to myself, I really do.
(I havent been singing to myself since I lost all my songs in my old pc.Good riddance,I heard.)

I miss my bloody flat tummy,I really do.
(Office life is nothing but perils.)

I (still) miss Seraya's coffee machine(ohh~the warm milos), their free flow of biscuits, and the good old Towkay. (Lucheon Toast!!) I really do.
(Anyone wanna date me there?We could sit down for a good toast?)

I miss working with a firm sense of direction and that addiction to work, I really do...?
(I wouldnt say that's good but it keeps you from laziness.)

I miss staying up at night and breathe the cold air,I really do.
(Since I started working,I cant look any better than Johnny's corpse bride during night.)

I miss the times when I could calmly sit down and pen down a good thought,I really do.
(Well...since when I can?)

Um...I guess there's a hundred and ten things I miss.

Have anyone ever sit down and really miss me in a good way?

When I say...

I miss some people, I really do.
(I guess mentioning names doesnt help here. If the feelings aint mutual, let it be.)

I miss talking in good English, I really do.
(Being a consultant is nothing like talking in accent. After all, not everyone is from CNA or ESPN.)

I miss singing to myself, I really do.
(I havent been singing to myself since I lost all my songs in my old pc.Good riddance,I heard.)

I miss my bloody flat tummy,I really do.
(Office life is nothing but perils.)

I (still) miss Seraya's coffee machine(ohh~the warm milos), their free flow of biscuits, and the good old Towkay. (Lucheon Toast!!) I really do.
(Anyone wanna date me there?We could sit down for a good toast?)

I miss working with a firm sense of direction and that addiction to work, I really do...?
(I wouldnt say that's good but it keeps you from laziness.)

I miss staying up at night and breathe the cold air,I really do.
(Since I started working,I cant look any better than Johnny's corpse bride during night.)

I miss the times when I could calmly sit down and pen down a good thought,I really do.
(Well...since when I can?)

Um...I guess there's a hundred and ten things I miss.

Have anyone ever sit down and really miss me in a good way?

Round,round,baby round round~

I'm not singing.

I'm referring to my waist and my face.

Not kidding.


Day by day, the so called goal becomes fainter and fainter.

It's really a life long art. - Self motivation.

Well...

Say I may not be in frequent contact with certain people, but somehow I do know what's going on.

People are often amazed by that.

I didnt check on you.
Not free enough to do so.

It really just happen that I know.=)

Motivation for the night.

*Tomorrow is Thursday~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Listening to some of the songs on radio.

Suddenly I miss hearing Jason singing again.

Though he just sang last Saturday.
Though he sang every other time.

But sometimes it is just different sometime.

I really want him to look at me and sing me a sweet love song.

I dun want to hear mimics.
I dun want any pop songs. (yurks.)

I want songs that come on naturally and from the heart.

Sigh~

I wanna get a life

Hence feeling so under the weather on Monday is no good.

Hence looking very pale (and asked to see a doc) on Monday is no good.

Hence diving in the seas of blues on Monday is no good.

Hence struggling through work on Monday is no good.

I am big old twenty one.

Life should get better and better from here.

Period.

I too, can blog a soccer tale!

It was a nightmare. Humiliation further rubbed into the wounds like salt. It was the Tiger Cup 2002, the most prestigious soccer tournament in the South-East-Asian region. Just like the world cup of SEA nations, it was always a great team to be able to win it. A tournament for all of us from the minnows nations to be excited about: this is the chance to gain international honour. Especially now that the SEA Games has put in age restrictions to it's participants, the Tiger Cup has beame the only chance for the very best of the region to showcase their skills.

Singapore is always a nation that has always been proud of what it achieves. The pride that lies in us is tremendous. However, it was destroyed in a single tournament...or at least our soccer pride. We have always watch Spurs fans cried after a loss to Arsenal...or en Evertonian fan hiding his face in his hands after a hiding from Liverpool, and sympathsises with them, for it symbolises a lost war between 2 closest rivals, derbies they call it. Put the 2 things together: pride plus lost pride, and you'll get an angry reaction.

On a fateful night in December, Singapore played host to it's greatest rivals, Malaysia in the first match of the 2002 Tiger Cup. What we got was...no less a messacre, a total knock out, and a humilation to our undenying pride. For we,as a favourites before the tournament, got a shock 4-0 bashing from our younger, but hungrier neighbours(rivals). So what if we have a Wrexham player in Daniel Bennett, a Brazilian in Egmar Concalves? We were out-classed by Malaysia, the way Arsenal will out-class Leyton Orient.

The Singapore team were supposed to be the superior of the two. We've got a professional soocer league here for 6 years already. We've got 2 foriegn players who have shown they were top class players in our league. We've got home ground support, and again, an unassailable pride, that made us seemed really impossible to go down. On paper. What happened next was this: a paltry 100-men Malaysia entrouge left the stadium cheering and celebrating a famous win over their deadliest rivals. The other 40,000 of the people, mostly in bright red shirt to set up a beautiful backdrop earlier, left with faces as red as their shirt.

I could hardly imagine how much an impact it's going to have on the people here...the young aspiring footballers, and their parents. The future looks bleak for Singapore football, and dare I ask you, will you still let your kids go on their path to pursuing a footballing career? And how much motivation will an aspiring footballer have to carry on chasing their dream?

To me, it not only destroyed the pride of a nation, but dreams of thousands of sprouting careers. Coming to the end, I really wondered if the players donning the jerseys ever thought about all those and fight with all their might? I hope they had...but from the results and performances from the Tiger Cup, it looks like they haven't...



Hmph~Li hai ma?




.
Lol.

That was like 2 years ago,no?

Jason did it.

;p

The mushy love song

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

Don't you worry
Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
-Eagles

Still works for me=)
Happy mid -autumn festival,peeps.

In my native tongue, Happy Yue Bing Jie~and/or Happy Deng Long Jie.

(Sigh...before my Sunday ends, my candidate has to call to haunt me. I hate work..sometimes.)

I miss you.

Sunday..A day often for some deep thoughts..

Life's uncertainty.
Like it or not, you gotta take it either how.

Say we all enjoy serenity.
But sometimes even serenity brings bites of uncertainty.
Like we will begin to think, to doubt if such peace will prevail all the rest of your life.

Having been through so many (and then some more), you really doubt the likelihood of that. (Isn't it?)
The moment you had it all so good, you will start to fear that the bad will soon comes knocking.

It's really tiresome to think of it.
But the good side is at least when you are prepared for it, the unpleasant feel reduced by significant touches.

Is that what you call un-optimistism? (I know that word is spelt wrongly somehow or it doesnt even exist. But hey, it do now. In my blog.)

Nah.
I called that being a realist.

I'm a half dreamer. (the other half is a realist cum critic)
I like all things dreamy and nice.
Cos' they are really nice and wont hurt.

Shall we face it that the world aint half as nice?
Oh yes it is.
No matter how many nice people you have met, you know that the statistics of those not-nice people doubled.
=/


We would always want to exercise a huge degree of control of our life. (our emotions and then the good and bad things in occurence.)
But in life, we are always restricted by one thing or another.

So we never really had the chance of steering the wheel on our own.

For instances:

When ya a kid, yer pop n mom say everything.
What you eat.
How you dress.
The way you talk.
Your mannerism.
The choice of toys.
The TV programmes you watched.
The time you should zzz.
Blah,blah,blah.
(Followed by ur elders n siblings.)

When ya in a school, yer teachers and everything else in the school determined everything.
(even the cleaners. When they decided to wash the toilet,you cant do anything about it.)

When ya in the workforce, oh everything had been sterotypicated.

When ya driving on the road, you cant drive as freely as you want.
Maintain your distance, keep left, turn on ur signal lights.

When ya in the army, oh..that's a long way to go.
Dont get you started.

And so on and so fore.

Even the languages, the structure of sentences, your own blog, the way you dress and look, your height and weight etc you use is graded.

Infact I cant think of a single thing right now is unrestricted in a way.
Say even when you fartor dig your own nose, you gotta do it privately and discreetly.
Duh.

There is no absolute liberty.
Lady liberty should be blind folded,I thought.
But hey, she's no Singaporean.
So it's ok huh?

Dont mark me on my patriotism,please.
I know I make a lousy Singaporean.

For many things I appreciate the place where I'm borned.
Likewise, for many things I wish I could have (be able to do) more.

Hmm.

Looking the whole situation in a more colourful manner.
Life isnt that bad.

At least my life isnt.
Sure it could have been better.
But I'm content.
Though that doesnt mean I should push and do more.

The art of life.
To each of your own definition.

My own formula?

Um..
Since you know that what's here wont be here forever.
I would say...Chew on that uncertainty and put on your spontaneity.
It may not works all time.
But sure it makes miracles when it works.

When ya down on the stumps, just keep it in mind that it's a cycle.
Down & up and down & up.
=)



Cheers.

In this issue...

I present to you KIDS.

Enjoy.
=)


Note:
Just a few.
Alot was gone with my old pc.
Sob.



-This is taken during CNY.














-This is my fav Charmaine.
I wish my daughter is as b-e-a-utiful as her.







-This is his fav though. Hong Hong..






The 2nd and 3rd photos were not taken by me.
Moi?
Non!
I produced better shoots!


















And now...The last one, nonetheless the CLASSIC!


































*Drums roll*






















































Getting impatient?





















































Relax.
It's worth the scroll,I promise;)
















































































































































































Almost.
































There.























You cant really tell whose the kid huh?






I knew you like it.
;)

Why I decided to marry Mr Brown.

He's so good.
He's too irresistable for most gals.
Dark and gorgeous. (Yummy!)

But beware!

Dont fall for posers.

They may look alike but posers are really bad.

You gotta pay for someone like Mr Brown.

But you cant have him too often or there's a heavy price to pay.

The thought of him just melts me.

And ya know what's the best thing about Mr Brown?







.
..
.
.
.

He gave you MULTIPLE Orgasmns!











No.

I'm not talking about our local famous (but I dun give a damn) blogger. - Mr Brown. (stage name).

I'm talking about him.

































Dont you love him too?

Rendevous

Shall we?

Gimme romance and I shall give you love.

I am sorry

The last thing I want to do is to be so cold and numb towards my family.
I dunno how they really think but it just hurts me so too.

But I was...

Too jaded lately to feel a thing more.

The fear of going thru such trauma is so painful.

Really..

Inside is so hollow and painful.

I couldnt care more to make another kind expression when I have a choice.

Spare my soul.

I am really tired.


Just a little while more.


Lemme heal my broken soul.


Before I can return.

I will try,yea?

A fucking tale.

It really is.

So if you dun like that F word, skip this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



















It's bad enough that I met some fuckers on and off.
Even strangers are such fuckers.
It's not even that I stepped on their tails or what.

It's bad enough that I met alot of fucking job seekers.
It's just so bad that I really fucking wish the they stay jobless or cont'd doing their pathetic TEMP job all their life.
I really wish they fucking do!
Those fuckers ranges from not even a O level qualification to degrees.
Fuckers!
I wish your names are those that appeared in new headlines the next day.
Why isnt your body get chopped instead huh?
Fucking parasites!

It's bad enough that even stupid sales girl are such fuckers!
Hey bloody sales gal, you are just a sales gal!
So your fucking job, no matter you like it or not, is to SERVE!

I have absolute idea where did I step on that fucking sales gal by the name of Cindy working at FutureState located at Wisma.
I didnt even knock onto her or what but she just fucking refused to serve me, even when I want to pay!(and show me very obvious bad attitude.)
What a fucker!
I am so sorry that I look prettier than you,ok?
I am so sorry that I am so much taller and slimmer than you,ok?
I am so sorry that I just make you looked so bad,ok?
Fucker!
I wish you get sack, came to my agency so it's my turn to refuse to serve you!
Fuck off!

It's bad enough that I have to bump onto Mr Teo and I am in such a fucked up mood that I pretended that I dunno him at all. (despite that we really brush by each other and him looking at me.)
I am not in any acknowledgement mode and I dunno how to acknowledge him with another lady beside him.
I really liked him alot.
I really do.
It's so bad that I dunno and dun want to acknowledge those pain.

It's bad enough that my mum decided to literally screamed out her side of story to me on the phone, and dad had to come in and keep telling me the his side.
I
Oh ...please.
Give me a break.
Forcing me into depression.
If I didnt had better control of myself, I dunno what will I do.
What will I do if I am not strong enough.
I dun want to judge, dun want to know.
Dont put me in such a fucked up position.
And how responsible it is to tell me that I dun have to care?
Yes,I love to!
If I dun care, I wouldnt be like this!
I wont be like this!
I wont be such an ass,really.

It's bad enough that I have to come home eventually.
The pain bottling inside is so much that I dont know where to pour.

Look...
This is really not the first time.
I am really tired by all these!
All my life, I forgot what I eventually hope for.
I tried my best to do the best for this family.
Will I even get to see what I want?
I dunno ok.
Maybe I forgot.
Maybe it is just a blessing enough to return in peace and be able to smile.

I really cant be bothered if the whole situation may change for the better.
So what they reconciled?
Should I then prepared myself for another round like this?

This is really not the first time.

So what if they decided that this is final?
It just wont get any better.

So what do I care?


It's bad enough that the whole fucking world think I am strong!
Yes...I had it upon myself.

I will be fine.
I always say that.
Noone see how I cried.
How I cry like shit!
Noone bothers to bandage the bleeding wound in my heart.
I let it run, I licked it dry.
All by myself.

Strong.
So strong.
So so strong!

Be strong.
Be stronger.
Be so strong.

Hey..I dunno for how long I have been psychoing myself with that line.

Ok.
Be fair.
So what if you decided to reach your hand.
I probably brush it off with the kindest intention and tell you I will be fine.

Coz I learned it the hard way.

I dun want help reached out only when they saw me in need.

I am proud, stuborn, old and strong.

Oh..how Eowyn?

Yet.

I really.

Really.
Really.
Really.
Really.

Yearned for protection.

The saddest thing?


So far.

There is none.


Noone unlocks the final key of my heart..yet.

Sad to say.

I am sad to realised as well.

Next time...

If you know that I sad.

Dont ask me how I feel?
Do I need help?

You should know better I am too proud to ask for any.
I am too strong to admit how vulnerable I felt.

If you really care...

You should long see the tears I cried.

If you never see, you will not.


I am not some fucking bleak soul.

But somtimes..

Life just get so fucking dark.

Dont remember me like this.

..


Really..


So..

Fucking.

Sad.


I really dunno how to sleep these nights.
I dunno should I wake.
I dunno how to go on.

I dunno whose here.
I dunno whose there.

..
Sometimes...hope was meant to lost so you wont feel fresh pain again and again.

For this instance, I really will just take things are.

Fuckers lying around everywhere.
I hope they fucking died soon.

And my family?
For better or worse..

Let it be..
Let it be.

Dont ask/tell me what else to do.

Not before you can see me who I am inside first.

Incorherent

I'm so happy...

When I wake up in the morning.

It's time for work.

Time to get ready.

And forget everything..first.

Just in a few more hours...

Oh man!

I just hate to be so sad all the time.

Though I'm not a born optimist but i hate to let things bring me down.

It's just so nice that ...


Ah..time's up.

gotta work.


Whatever la.

Alea Jecta Est ...

Trying very hard to maintain my rational and my sane.

Trying very hard to lost in the voice of Cynthia McCorkindale and the tunes of Paris.

Trying very hard to focus.

Trying very hard to smile.

Trying very hard to find a decent site to surf.

Trying very hard to feel normal.

...


I am scared to talk to my dad.
(But I feel his raw pain from here.)

I am scared to look outside my room.
(Coz it's no longer how it's used to be.)

I am scared to sleep.
(I know I will cry again.)

I am scared to face tomorrow.
(Oh..where shall I go?)

I am scared.
(I am sad.)

...


Do you know what does Alea Jecta Est means?


"The Die Is Cast."
-Julius Caesar.


If the bigger the count means the winning.


Mine is obviously the tiniest count.



What luck.

Everytime....

I thought that I should give up blogging for a while.
But I realised that this is not the way.

My life shouldnt stop with something nor died with it.
My work shouldnt.
My habits shouldnt.
Though something died off, the world still revolves.

No matter how tough it is, what's personal shouldnt be involved with work and social.
Something that I've grow to learn.
So this is.

"Never boardcast your personal problems, it wont help others nor yourself."

I'm not here to boardcast my problems.
They wont affect you anyway.
But please allow me an avenue for my emotions.

Do you know how I feel inside now?
My heart pains so much.
I can hardly sleep last night.
I cried and I stopped.
I stopped and I cried again.
I tossed and turned.
I fear for the dawn to break for I do not want to face the next day. (coz tomorrow is worse than today. Tomorrow depicts the results of yesterday.And it's not so good.)
And I dunno how should I end my day.

I finally fell asleep.
Woke up with my puffy eyes.
The morning doesnt look much different to me.
My mum long left for work.
My bro is getting ready for school.
My dad woke up a few minutes before I left for work.

It looks the same.
But it is not.

I struggled through work.
My head ached all time.
I went to tuition.
I knew there's no dinner.
There wont be any more dinner from today onwards.
Not that this family needs any...anymore.

When I finished tuition.
I went home.
Home.
Home.
Home.
Home.
Home.
Home.
Home.




HOME!!!!!!!!!

Is this a home!

Is this still a home?

Grief consumes my heart.

As I am typing right now, I fight with all my might not to shed one more tear.
Not to shed one more tear.

I dunno where else to go tomorrow and the rest of the days after work.

Maybe I will just walked around.

Returning is just an obligation to mark my attendance.

Maybe I will go library.
Isnt that I wanted?

Yea..for some good books.

What else should I blog?

Um..

For the people I love, I still love.

Too many broke my heart recently.

And they are the ones I love most.

Isnt this so ...clinche, so outta drama?

Dont worry.

I will be fine.

You know.

Like they say.

You come to this world ... really alone.

You will leave alone one day.

And you really should depend on yourself to stand up in times of adversity.

Cos...

Should everyone that I love leave me one day, I must still stand up and live on.

All by myself.





















Why is it always like that?


Ironically...

James blunt "Your Beautiful" is playing.

Suddenly I am listening to it with the twist.

Love yourself,isnt it?






















Wo zhen de hao nan guo.




Hao nan guo.




Hao nan guo.

Sept 11 2005

It's official.

It happened before.

Too many times but I ignored it cos I'm still in hope.

Should have realised hope was lost.

The source of all my strength is utterly shattered.

I should have been prepared.

That my family is broken.

Sigh.

The only thing I am thankful right now is...

I am stronger than yesterday.

I cant let this affect my work, my life, my attitude and so on.

If I am out with you, I will still smile.

Dont message me for you cant get the words within my heart.

But if you see me cry...

Please hold me tight.

Just for a lil while more.


I promised.

I will be fine.

I have not been stretching my hours as much as before.
Hmm.
Which I dislike.

Much as I would love to fast forward some days but it's not kind to do so.

Dad has been complaining hard about mum.

So sick of listening but that's my dad.
I love him as much as I love her.

Lalalalalalala~

I need some rewinding in my life.
Not too much.
Some past is just ugly.

Just a lil' bit.

Back.

There are some faces that I miss alot.
Was contemplating to do a bold post but decided not to eventually.

Quite frankly I do not know who else stumples upon this more than humble site.
But seriously I dont think it quite matter to me anyhow.

It is pretty tiring to keep driving on the road.
But it's essential.

HIKE!

Trying so hard

I dunno how many entries I can post in a day.
I guess I am just bored.

Wish badly that I have a good book to read now.
Suddenly wish Kinokuniya is my home.
Wanna get lost in the words and pictures.

My eyes are kinda tired but I dont wish to retire this early.
Not on a Saturday.

Dont wish to think about work.
All work related stuff should stay within the working hours.

*Stared at the 999 *pieces of jigsaw.

I just wondered..how many bored souls are there right now?

Do I know you?

Playing time away

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.
(All true till the 3rd one of cos)

-How do you live your life.

Liana Forest
(Yea..Liana Forest, I like that!)
- What's your French name.

You Are 26 Years Old
(So~I guess I can handle guys older than me if they were to consider.Haha~Kidding.)
-What age do you act.

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.
Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - LibrarianNurse - Parole Officer - Personal TrainerPhysical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.
(What's new?)

-What's your ideal career?

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

(Guess that's about it.)
-What's your brain pattern.

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

(Bulleye)

-What's your ideal relationship.

Muito legal!
For you, learning a language is all about the lifestyle that comes with it.
And Brazilian beaches, hotties, parties, and soccer matches are just your style.

(Erm..not exactly my cuppa.)

-What language should you learn.

Gina Matsumoto

(...Call me Liana Forest.-_-)

-What's your Japanese name.

Your colour power is Teal.

At Your Highest:You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future.
At Your Lowest:You feel in a slump and lack creativity.
In Love:You tend to be many people's ideal partner.
How You're Attractive:You make people feel confident and accepted.
Your Eternal Question:"What Impression Am I Giving?"

(I dont wanna doubt that one.)

-What's your colour power.

Enough!
With courtesy of http://www.blogthings.com

I had my fill.

Since January 2005...

Parting has been especially sad.
It all started before boy had to enlist to National Services.
The week prior was especially tough and somewhat sweetly heartbreaking. =)

Lately such feelings resurfaced again.

I enjoyed my work despite how ugly a day could be.
Despite the stress, the apes whom I faced, the fast paced, the blues , I still like it there.
Nice colleagues makes the environment so much easier to fit in.

So my work week is fairly packed with work, tuition, time for family and friends.

And his is more of army,soccer,army,soccer and his family.

As a result we could really only afford time for each other on Saturdays.
An once in a while dinner during one of the weekdays.

Watched "Perfect Catch" today.

She's into work.

He's into sports.

Haha.

Somewhat similar but not of cos.

Btw it was a pretty good movie!

Caught all the right waves of emotions there, go watch it!

It is really only lately (that I remembered) that each parting is so heart wrenching.

Sometimes it hurt so much that I refused to acknowledge.

I refuse to thoroughly enjoy myself during a Saturday.

Why?

Coz happy times fly too fast,I was so scared that nightfall administers before I notice it.

I am so scared that I dont wanna look into your eyes only to keep remembering that I am a one day princess.

Due to some events, we had to part especially early today.

I knew he wont see me home but when he didnt said it and board the bus with me, I kinda hope for the better.

Till he kissed goodbye at the alighting busstop.

"This is heartbreaking... It really is..."

It was embarrassing to tear in a bus but I still cant help as the sight of his face vanished as the bus moved.

While it sounds silly to you..=) I really cant help it.

If I can, I would laugh at myself now.

Much as I would throw myself to work and focus.

Much as I would motivate myself and enjoy each coming day.

Much as I knew that when Monday comes, it still wont be as bad as those Mondays I had in the past.

Much as I knew that it is only with the coming of a weekday that would brings me closer to the weekend.

But...

I only wanna have more time.

Just a bit more time with you.

Time is really not on our side,yea?

As I am feeling so sad thinking of all these but I know that it's not that bad.

Cos' I am not alone in such blues agony.

You are here too.

No.

Not that distance is a problem.

=)

There's an unspoken awkard silence in the living room now.
Who else but my parents?

Is it true that years of marriage really numb feelings?
Communication ceased and we dont really need much more effort to even try to commute.

Oh well..whatever.

I'm not a kid anymore.
Not as affected as I was a kid.
The only thing that can affects me is when they each pour their personal views and opinions to me.
Hey~Who can I side?
When I listened, both really sound right?
So I figured I aint much judge material.
=/

Had dinner with Irene last night.
A turkish cafe @ Arab St. area.
Was a good private dinner.
Was a good way to stay in touch.
Was a good intention.
Was a good way to reminisce the old days that just seem so long ago.

Rem' I said someone committed suicide at my block?
They are performing the ritual now.

Sigh...isn't life precious?
Think of your parents, at least your mother who had you for 9 hard months and the years they spent to bring you up.

Next entry.

There's an unspoken awkard silence in the living room now.
Who else but my parents?

Is it true that years of marriage really numb feelings?
Communication ceased and we dont really need much more effort to even try to commute.

Oh well..whatever.

I'm not a kid anymore.
Not as affected as I was a kid.
The only thing that can affects me is when they each pour their personal views and opinions to me.
Hey~Who can I side?
When I listened, both really sound right?
So I figured I aint much judge material.
=/

Had dinner with Irene last night.
A turkish cafe @ Arab St. area.
Was a good private dinner.
Was a good way to stay in touch.
Was a good intention.
Was a good way to reminisce the old days that just seem so long ago.

Rem' I said someone committed suicide at my block?
They are performing the ritual now.

Sigh...isn't life precious?
Think of your parents, at least your mother who had you for 9 hard months and the years they spent to bring you up.

Next entry.

Sing this to me, soft and tender

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way but still you seem to understand

Now and forever I will be your man.

Sometimes I just hold you

Too caught up in me to see

I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me

I'll try to show you each and every way I can

Now and forever I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure

That I won't be alone anymore

If I'd only known you were there all the time

All this timeUntil the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand

Now and forever I will be your man

Now and forever I will be your man

I would really give you a soft tender kiss, no matter who you are.

Suicide...

Is the STUPIDEST thing to do.

And the thoughts of sucide is worst than that.

Whereas the empty thoughts of that is beyond what I can call stupidity.

I know who am I referring to,so you dont even have to guess nor ask me.

Just a short talk:

There's one guy in his 40s jumped down from my block ard 11 plus in the morning.

Sigh.

Erm....

Dunno what to blog.

Just think that there's alot of JOBLESS fuckers out there that ought to be gunshot.

I sincerely hope and pray so hard that every nerves of my body tied in numerous knots that:

They will NEVER get a job and can die out there with no penny left (for all I care).

I prayed so hard and this prayer is getting stronger with every passing day at my work.

And really....

I really pray hard that they will cry crawling back to me one day asking for job...so I could really give them the fuck of my mind.

I know this so vulgar.

Oh well~



Don't worry.

I am not that mean...yet.

But sometimes such creeps are really nothing but parasites.

I really wish and gonna make this wish every day that they will never ever find a job decent enough to fill their stomach....


till they learn to change their bloody mind and attitude.


I pui!

Pray for my uncle's health.
Pray for my dad's luck.
Pray for my mum's ..everything then.
Pray for my brother's safety in the foreign land.
Pray for my friends' happiness.
Pray for smooth operations at work always.

Pray for a good day for everyone.

Pray for you always.

Do you know how much I miss you?

Some updated photos~

Mich is a RedHead now~
I dont really think it looks half as bad as the picture.
But sure I couldnt look any better~
Hehz.




That's me and baby Lucias. (Tracy's bb boy.)
He wasn't smiling but about to cry.
Imagine the unwanted cooings from us..he's freaked off.

That's all.

When is the last time you think of this song?

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.

Now it looks as though they're here to stay.

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'M NOT HALF THE MAN I USED TO BE.

There's a shadow hanging over me.

Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.

I said something wrong,Now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

.Now I need a place to hide away.

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.

I said something wrong,Now I long for yesterday

.Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.

Now I need a place to hide away.

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.

-The Beatles.

I thought of it on my way back.
My head kinda aches the whole day today though I'm ok.
Like very airy and full of blisters inside.
Euuch~

Anyway~I was browsing through my diaries last night.
But I still left those that I shouldnt touch untouched.

I realised that my english IS quite bad~Haha.
But those were the days whereby everything were so much simpler and innocent.

Hate and Love are two entire entities.
Friends and Foes are easier to mix up and really aint that difficult to make.
Dreams and realities when distinguish aint that painful.

How I miss those days.
How I miss those feelings.
How I miss those faces.

Ouch...
My head hurts.

Think I shall end it here.

A simple sentence that makes the stars shine*

One day, we won't have to part like that...

One day...we won't part at all...

A rainy Sunday

Is indeed refreshing and gives your Sunday a more stay-at-home feel.

Yet my head is kinda heavy and empty at the same time.
My bones kinda shook and my muscles felt lumpy.
The ultimate touch of laziness and really uncomfort at the same time.

On such a drizzling day, who are you thinking of?

I thought of my friends.
The fun times we shared were beautiful.
How we wish it stayed on.
Stupid clinche goes,"time & tide wait for no man."
We can really only linger on the sweet bitter taste of memories.

I thought of what we called the past. As far as I can remembered, that is.
Quite frankly, I aint one with very good memory.
Is it really a memory defect prob or subconcious?
Yet it's still the feeling that's retained in our heart.

Sigh...I typed some and deleted some.
Repetitive actions and thus I deleted a chunk of paragraph.

Inside my skull feels very airy.
Like a balloon.

I cant think..cant think..cant think.
Cant write,cant read,cant get any insipirations.

Suddenly I missed the library.
It is a place that I wanna go alone or with a common soul suddenly.
Grab some good books and read.

The notion of going library alone under such weather does entices me a bit.
It feels rather romantic too, with the aroma of coffee and soft music.

I used to imagine...meeting 'the one' in between the stacks and stacks of books(with the correct settings & environment) is rather sweet.

Gone are the young girl's dreams and fantasization.

Looking back..can be quite painful too.

Coz you know and you can see, how much you gained/acheived and how much you lost.

Can you go back?
Do you wish to go back?
Do you think you can go back?

Sadly...life is not a backward track.

'Irreversible ' is a horrible reality term we havel learnt during our primary school science.

It's easy to thus say that do not do the things that shall leave a mark of regret.

I laughed hard at those whom said this.
(including myself.)

Do you think it's easy?

If there is two or more lives, maybe we can try not to duplicate the mistakes but we cannot prevent new ones.

We aint saints.
Our lives is not guide with a manual script.

But quite luckily, we still have tomorrow.

The only catch is we may not necessarily enjoy what every tomorrow brings, may not cherish it, may not care about it, and may not have it afterall.

A step followed by a step.

Sing your own songs.
Dance to your own rythmn.

Sometimes you may cracked a tune or two. (or three and beyond.)
Sometimes you may fall and flop.

Sometimes you wanna give up and stop doing everything at once.
Sometimes you just deluded yourself in darkness and let a good portion of life goes to waste.


I dont wanna give up.
I still wanna trace what's left behind.(the good ones.)
I still wanna dance till the dawn of tomorrow comes.

If you are down, go do something that will smothe your soul.

Go read a book.
Go draw a picture.
Go do something you like when you are a young innocent self @ the beginning.



You get some and then some more.

You may lose some but it's not that bad all the time.


Right now...

I just wanna settle down with the thoughts of you.

The angel in my fairytale.

I'm pretty sure most of you would have heard of this chinese song called Tong Hua sang by Guang Liang.
Initially I dont like it, most probably it's becoz I'm not much longer a chinese song listener.

Of coz, of coz~It is until the (now) Superstar-Weilian sang it, this song becomes a hit (to my ears).

I find that the crux of this whole song lies in the bridge here.

(In direct english translation)
"You cry and said to me, fairytales are a pack of lies.
And that I cant be the prince in your fairytale."

And of coz the chorus goes:

"I would become the angel you love in fairytale.
Open up my arms and turn them into wings to guard you"


Personally I love fairytales.
I really love them.
I dream and fantasize of all the lovely crystals that picture up to a happily ever after.

But I am too a realist.

(I mean it when I said I'm a hybrid of what is and what's not.)

I think it is amazing in a way.

Amazing that how I could be the way I am and really is inside when I am with Jason.(be it good or bad.)
Perhaps it is time.
Perhaps it is a habit.
Perhaps it is serendipity.=)

By saying this, I am not saying that who I am most of the time is not real.

It is also amazing how each time it's time to part, I still teared.
Sometimes I fighted it back, sometimes I let it go.
I dont like tears but such kinda parting, though bring heartache, still tasted sweet eventually.

Not every angel looks good.
Not every angel is kind.
Not every angel is yours.
And not everyone is an angel.

Yet...




He just possessed that pair of guarding wings.

=)

Gone are the gold streaks, welcome the auburn~

(I think.)
WIll upload pics of my latest colours when it is in my email.

I had a rather bad impression of the colourist when I was deciding the colours.
Apparently he is so short(or I'm tall) fair and looks like a gal with that golden hair.
I thought "A-ron" was a butch when I truely realised he's a guy.(and seem completely straight.)

Why do I have a bad impression?
Not because of how he looks.
(Oh he....kinda look like Steven. Too short(Steven is taller of coz), and fair...Well~My mum took the jacket that Steven gave and decided to put it to good use instead of keeping it in the box. Just becoz I dont like him and dont wear the jacket, it doesnt mean that I dont regard the things he gave. It was a memoir...even I don't like him?)

Story about Steven?
If you read in between my archives, his name should appear once.
It's past and really it isnt even anything from the start.

Anyway I had a bad impression coz I thought he seem rather impatient or rude or unfriendly when I couldnt decided on the colours and I dont welcome the ideas he gave.

So I refused to talk when he was doing my hair.

My impression went deeper to the drain when he was having 'political talks' with a apprentice there.
(of the lady owner went out.)
And when she returned, they resumed normal like best of employers and yees relationship.

I dont care whose right or wrong anyway.
It just makes me realised that it doesnt take a office to breed discord.(I know the word to use is 'sow'. But it is really breeding discord and unharmony in this case.)

When he exclaimed how pleased he was the colour went, I kinda prayed for the best.
He began talking to me and I realised he aint half as bad as I thought.

He sounded alot (and laugh exactly) lik e that 933 fm DJ--Zhou Chong Qing, and had the arrogance of David Gan.
(Though I never know how Mr Gan is.)

Voila~

My hair is another brand new colour which I never had before.


I didnt like nor dislike it.

Um...

I let you guys judge.

When the pictures are ready.

Enjoy ur weekend.

Received a few smses from friends that I have been missing out for sometime.

=)

I dont need words to say more.

I've got my "wish".
I cant go to work today!
Oh BLAH!

I considered that I am quite strong eh?
Coz I am the last to get infected and still my condition is very mild.
Hehz*

Kidding.

I just hope that I WILL be back to work tomorrow.

MC on a Friday is BAD enough.
I could have done alot more in one day alone.

I aint supposed to work tml initially but I've exchanged with my colleague.
That means I will get two consecutive Saturdays off.

By hook or by crook,I must be back to work tml!!!





Presenting~ M[ch* the (original at home look) workaholic c8t~



-Of coz it's wiser not to have eye contact in the meanwhile ;)

A Public Super Star is born

Congrats to Tan Wei Lian.
His voice surpassed all his handicaps.

=)

We have breed a new rare talent to our local music market.

Cheers!

Infected.

...
-_*